"More walks!"

Scamper, in this election year, let's talk about some of your policies.

Treats
Talk less, give your dog more treats. I've never met a treat I didn't like. May I have one now? Please?

Walks
Somewhere in the world it's time for a walk. Woof!

Reconnaissance
Look, people, when your dog sniffs around the perimeter of the yard or barnyard or whatever, don't interrupt. I'm your security system.

Carrion
Have you tried it? Then don't knock it. That dead bird was superb. Feathers don't bother me. Bones, mold, dirt, paper, whatever—I've got a cast iron gut.

Pet Sitters
I'm under the influence of one as we speak. She has a bad knee and my walks are too short. See that pound of fur in the trash? She's been brushing me nonstop, telling me how "pretty" I am. She must think I enjoy having the fur in my personal area pulled out by the roots. 'Scuse me while I lick myself.

Presidential Candidates
I'm glad to see a dog in the White House, although I think Bark Obama could have chosen something more intelligent than a Portuguese Water Dog. Blame the kids' allergies, I guess. As for Mutt Romney, someone ought to jump him in a dark alley. Anyone who would carry a dog on top of a car is a big pooper in my book.